Wednesday, 2 June 2010

I sit in my room at the backpackers, contemplating. Downstairs, I can hear two male voices, softly, earnestly, discussing something they obviously both care about. That we all care about? My bag is packed. Finally. Packed and ready for the plane. Hopefully not overweight. I have had no way to weigh it. This is one of the worries of the day. One of the things that has the potential to induce panic-related paralysis of my stupid brain. I should be excited and relaxed. I am a lot more relaxed than I was leaving SA to come here. A LOT more. But that isn't hard - I was a mess that day almost a year ago. Today has a greater surrealness (surreality?). I've been here so long, and adapted and assimilated, it seems unreal to be going to another country. As if the country which I know very well exists, where I have spent all my life, is as unreal as the world of stargate atlantis or some creation of Douglas Adams.

I should be going. I should be doing. I have a long blog-post waiting to be typed up and posted. That's not going to happen today. There isn't time. There isn't space in my head to edit and correct and reread. My laptop has a battery life of approximately 5 minutes, so there probably not be any communication on the trip. The trip. 3 hour flight (1 hour time difference), 6 hour lay-over, 7 hour flight (6 hour time difference). Or something like that. And then the last bit - a morning at Joburg airport, probably so dazed with jetlag I won't be able to do anything more than find a Spur or Wimpy and curl up in the corner whimpering (and eating delicious South African food - yay!).

I remember that day I left SA. Sort of. A lot of it is a blur, but the thoughts are clear. Not what they were, but that there were so many. My mind was doing somersaults and cartwheels and roller-coaster rolls. Today there is not very much going on. My mind is relatively blank. I fixate on small things. Like a cup of chamomile tea. Small things that I think but don't necessarily do. I'm almost gone. Barring disaster and mayhem, a bus ride to the airport and a smooth and trouble-free check-in process (please, please, please!) and my tired, stiff body will be settling into a plane seat and taking off into the surreal sunset. How fitting that my first flight in almost a year (after flying so regularly it was almost second nature) should be a long, slow trip home. Tea. Time for tea. Goodbye.

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